Given the sacrifices most parents make for the benefit of their children, the desire to help aging parents enjoy a safe and stable retirement is a natural one. Unfortunately, the physical, mental and emotional resources required to accomplish this are substantial.
Early planning – and the ability to avoid the common traps that await adult children caring for their parents – are essential for negotiating this process.
With that in mind, let's look at some of the surprises families often run into – and ways to prepare for them.
Avoid Responding In Kind To A Volatile Reaction
Because adult children are usually acting from the noblest of motives when it comes to caring for their parents, they are often surprised when they receive a dismissive or even vehemently opposed attitude toward intervention in their affairs. Older parents often have a hard time adjusting to their changing capacities and capabilities; they may fear ceding control and losing independence.
Before approaching your parents about this sensitive issue, prepare yourself for a range of reactions. Anticipating volatility can help you avoid responding in a similarly emotionally agitated fashion.
Avoid Getting Upset If Siblings Don't Share The Burden
In an ideal world, all siblings would agree to share the burden and expense of eldercare equally. In practice, that's often not the case. If you expect a perfect division of expense and labor, you may not be viewing things realistically. Siblings have different financial resources and demands on their time. One sibling's housing situation may not be conducive to hosting a parent, making that burden fall entirely on another sibling.
For many families, accepting that a 50/50 split may not be possible can ease tension during what is often a trying period.
Avoid Missing the Signals That a Parent is in Trouble
As we age, our capacities may diminish slowly – almost imperceptibly to others. Additionally, because we may not see older parents on a daily basis, we may not have enough exposure to realize that they have become vulnerable. Even if aging parents realize something is amiss, they may hesitate to relay this information, not wanting to worry others.
This means it's important to pick up on the subtle signals that a parent is in need of help. Unusual spending patterns, bills stacking up and conversational clues can all signal that intervention may be needed.
Avoid Being Surprised by The Expense of Care
Caring for an older parent is often expensive and time-consuming. National cost surveys have reported average annual costs for a semi-private nursing home room in the tens of thousands of dollars, though actual costs vary widely. Even moving a parent into an adult child's home often requires expensive renovations and the use of a home health care worker.
Long-term care insurance is another option some families look into. Premium costs vary widely depending on age, health and underwriting, how much coverage is purchased, how long benefits last, and the insurer, and premiums can change over time. Policies also have waiting periods and benefit limits, so it helps to compare quotes and read the coverage details closely before deciding.
The Takeaway
Ugly surprises are never welcome – and they are even more problematic when an elderly parent's financial security is on the line. By avoiding the surprises outlined above, you can better serve the needs of aging parents.
